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By Mrs. Chuck Torso
It was then that I started stealing historical DVDs from any and all video stores we robbed along our stint on I-95, up and down the coast, avoiding the pigs, stealing free gas, and trying to create well-balanced meals from 7-11 food. Since being holed up in a safe zone somewhere in the Carolinas, I've had time to really investigate how the movies present, skew, embellish, and sometimes, improve history.
Chuck is off holding up a KINKOs; he has to fax pages of his book to his New Yorker publisher. Cindy is doing some charity work in a local trailer park; she's stripping for free and helping to fix some shoddy plumbing. Wolf, my insane gay son, is newly single and on the hunt for a new boyfriend, and new victims to attack. I know he'll only be happy when he finds another queer fella like himself who loves human barbeques and the Spice Girls as much as he does. I suggested on-line dating, but Wolf said that even the gay sites there are unfairly prejudicial to well-known underage serial killers. It breaks my heart to see anyone hurt my sweet baby, so Im thrilled he's thinking positive, shined his shoes, slicked back his hair, polished his knife, and went a-huntin'. All a mother wants is for her babies to be happy.
Anywho, onto my reviews. I have tons of stolen DVDs in these here garbage bags, and my, how the days have flown by watching them! I have historical history pouring out of my ears like blood after a brainin'! I was first drawn to movies about famous women, as I feel I may be one someday. Cleopatra, Elizabeth, Gorillas In the Mist, Iris, Sylvia, Lady Sings the Blues; anything on Marilyn Monroe or Eleanor Roosevelt or Ladybird Johnson or Marie Antoinette or Scarlett O'Hara. There weren't enough moisture-infused tissues in the camper van for my cryin' eyes! Overwhelming! Bonnie & Clyde had me crying the most. Beautiful Faye Dunaway robbed banks with her handsome husband and their friends, and all the pigs could think to do was kill her! I suppose they found her too brazen. I mean, it was the Dust Bowl in the Great Depression and the girl was wearing fancy clothes that looked more Hollywood than hayseed.
Movies like Alexander, The Gangs of New York, Monty Python's the Life of Brian, Edward II, Nixon, When Women Had Tails, and Jurassic Park taught me a lot about how things were way back when. As much as I complain about the cramped living quarters we have in the camper van, at least we have electricity! Yeesh! Das Boot I could relate to.
I could go on and on about these films and all the others I watched, but I realized that history was written by the winners. Well, except for the dinosaurs.
My family may or may not make marks in the criminal chapters of history, but we continue to make each other proud and happy every day. We, like the historical figures the world celebrates or vilifies, put our shoulder holsters on one strap at a time.
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Perpetual Toxins © 2006-2007 - All Rights Reserved |
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started to think about history recently when my family's criminal antics made police blotter news and later, front-page headlines. Why are certain events immortalized on page, in song, on film? Why has history remembered the Donner family and Ma Barkers Gang, the James brothers of the Wild West, and the Kray brothers of swinging '60s London? Will history remember the Torso family? Will we be a chapter, or a footnote, if at all?
