From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso - Dinners and Whore-derves
Friends and readers, like in life, I like stealing from others online. That's how a busy woman on the run, such as myself, gets her dinner and whore-derves ideas. I've pushed thoughts of my husband, Chuck...
Couching Is Believing
I realize I'm not the classic picture of American masculinity. I'm not the hero. I'm not the romantic leading man. I'm pretty sure I'll never save the day and I creep the living shit out of children and...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso - Endless, Aimless
I'm writing to you from the road, on the lost highway. Wolf is driving the campervan. He's been silent for days now. Brass knuckles to the back of his head wouldn't bring out a peep. He and his dad were so close...
An Afternoon In Paris
Paris and I were out shopping on Fifth Avenue the other day when I asked her, "Hey Paris? When you fart, do $100 bills shoot out your ass?" She gave me a look like she actually DID fart and said, "No, but I do...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso
My Husband's Dead, You Heartless Bastards
I don't even know how I'm sitting at my laptop in the camper van, writing this. Can numb fingers type? Can a numb brain think? I dunno, my dear Perpetual Toxins readers. I don't fucking know...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso
Stuck In New York City During the Heathen Heat Wave
Leave it to my husband, Chuck Torso, Nobel Prize in Literature winner, to have our camper van break down in midtown Manhattan during a hellish summer heat wave. Ok, truth be told, he stole that Nobel Prize, but...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso
The In-Laws Shouldn't Be a Priority When the Pigs Are Trying to Kill Us
Lucky readers of Perpetual Toxins, I ask you, when does a woman's life get any easier? When do the shackles of motherhood and the strains of the marriage bed ease up? Even on Mother's Day, I was...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso - You Call This Crap Music?
It's been a tough week for watchin' DVDs, my wonderful readers. Johnny Law has been after the Torso clan hard. I keep telling my husband, Chuck, that we oughta ditch the camper van and get some...
Where the Sun Beats
There were no palm trees growing by the side of the road, no lofty cypress or high willow branches to give a body shade from the sun. It was a barren, patchy old road running west from town...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso
How the Movies Teach Me History
I started to think about history recently when my family's criminal antics made police blotter news and later, front-page headlines. Why are certain events immortalized on page, in song, on film...
What He Thought Would Happen - Part One
Our leopard gecko, Romando, is unfortunately a finicky eater. That is how, unmolested, a squad of crickets have come to inhabit the baseboards, chirping along with the crowd during the NFL playoffs...
Neon Eats - Part Two
Some of the farmland was plowed under the subsoil of finance, to the banks, and others sold out to corporate farms and huge behemoth American conglomerates. Sold land, pennies for the dollar...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso
'Everything I Learned, I Learned From Wonder Woman'
Cindy, my little angel, picked her mama up some DVD boxed sets yesterday after her day shift at the Titty Twirl. She gets kinda bummed that we can't stay in any town longer than a week or two...
Neon Eats - Part One
Dust, dirt and diesel, dead flies on the windowsill ... "Order up!" The diner's rusted neon sign had long ago bled dry, evaporated along with the flowing stream of highway traffic that used to flood the...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso
My Husband May Be Wanted By the FBI,
But That Doesn't Make Him a Bad Person
Readers of Perpetual Toxins may be wondering why I haven't mentioned my first name. It's Doris. Doris Torso. Formerly Doris Louise O'Mullin of Cleveland, Ohio. I suppose, through marriage and motherhood...
Painted Baby
A painted baby / hung on a wall. / All welcome to / stare and praise / mom's pride. / Expert brush strokes / and shading...
My Valentine
I used to like Valentine’s Day as a kid. I’d gorge myself on chocolates at school and then come home to another chocolate orgy. But as I aged, and romance became more of a factor, or in my case...
From the Files of Mrs. Chuck Torso
Movies About People Who Have It Better Than Me
Greetings and salutations from an undisclosed, lonely stretch of highway out here on one of God's mid-Atlantic roadways. My name is Mrs. Chuck Torso, lifelong shitkicker and housewife...
